Where is the Manual for This?
When is it okay to reprimand your children's friends? Do you do this yourself? Does your child(ren) have certain friends that you find you are not so fond of? What do you do about it?
Nathan's best little friend is Myles. Myles is rather high energy, but so is Nathan. Myles is bossy. Nathan is not so bossy. I have been taking Myles to school in the mornings because Jocelyn is staying at his house with his little sister and the nanny. We have had Myles over at least once/month for the past year for playdates and even an overnight. Nathan likewise spends a lot of time at Myles' house. Clearly, there is a sense of familiarity with the children and the parents.
Myles has always been a child who has tested my limits of patience. He tends to tell on his friends and be a bit bossy with them. All of this I understand as normal 5 year old behavior. But when he starts to yell at my child in my car over something inane, I feel compelled to put a stop to it.
This morning, Myles and Nathan were messing around and making each other laugh, per usual, and the powers of silly Laurie Berkner songs were non-existent. Myles then tells Nathan to do something. Nathan does not comply. Myles tells him again. Nathan continues to not listen to Myles. Suddenly, Myles starts to yell at Nathan to listen to him and to do what he tells him to do. At that point, I say, "Myles" in an increasingly loud voice. When I finally have his attention, I asked him if he treated everyone like that. He says, "No, but..." and launches into an excuse about Nathan not listening to him. Quelling my desire to tell Myles that he is not Nathan's boss (something Nathan had told Myles just a few minutes earlier, but prior to this sudden attack), I tell Myles that I don't care if he thinks he is justified in yelling at Nathan, "we do not treat our friends like that. It is rude." And leave it at that.
So, please tell me, was I out of line? I feel sort of on a slippery slope about it. I do not think Myles parents would disapprove. In fact, I feel confident that they would have done something similar. But, he is not my child.
When your children's friends act like this or otherwise, when do you step in? Should I have stayed out of it and let my child fend for himself?
These are things that are not covered in the "What to Expect When...." books.
Nathan's best little friend is Myles. Myles is rather high energy, but so is Nathan. Myles is bossy. Nathan is not so bossy. I have been taking Myles to school in the mornings because Jocelyn is staying at his house with his little sister and the nanny. We have had Myles over at least once/month for the past year for playdates and even an overnight. Nathan likewise spends a lot of time at Myles' house. Clearly, there is a sense of familiarity with the children and the parents.
Myles has always been a child who has tested my limits of patience. He tends to tell on his friends and be a bit bossy with them. All of this I understand as normal 5 year old behavior. But when he starts to yell at my child in my car over something inane, I feel compelled to put a stop to it.
This morning, Myles and Nathan were messing around and making each other laugh, per usual, and the powers of silly Laurie Berkner songs were non-existent. Myles then tells Nathan to do something. Nathan does not comply. Myles tells him again. Nathan continues to not listen to Myles. Suddenly, Myles starts to yell at Nathan to listen to him and to do what he tells him to do. At that point, I say, "Myles" in an increasingly loud voice. When I finally have his attention, I asked him if he treated everyone like that. He says, "No, but..." and launches into an excuse about Nathan not listening to him. Quelling my desire to tell Myles that he is not Nathan's boss (something Nathan had told Myles just a few minutes earlier, but prior to this sudden attack), I tell Myles that I don't care if he thinks he is justified in yelling at Nathan, "we do not treat our friends like that. It is rude." And leave it at that.
So, please tell me, was I out of line? I feel sort of on a slippery slope about it. I do not think Myles parents would disapprove. In fact, I feel confident that they would have done something similar. But, he is not my child.
When your children's friends act like this or otherwise, when do you step in? Should I have stayed out of it and let my child fend for himself?
These are things that are not covered in the "What to Expect When...." books.
7 Comments:
I would have done the same thing. When MPP plays out front with the neighbor kids I'm often brought in to mediate similar things and I have to just apply my own rules.....'i'm sorry aaron, we don't play like that here'....'i'm sorry paige, we don't talk like that to our friends'....that kind of thing. Pointing it out and then redirecting the activity seems to nip it in the bud....for now.....at age 5.....we'll see how long that works.....
Christina
My house, car, yard - my rules.
You wouldn't have hesitated to say something if he'd hit your son...
You did the right thing!
I agree w/ C and G. You have every right to discipline in whatever way you see fit when the child is in your care. Like G said... your house, car, yard - your rules. I'm sure that M's folks would agree and would appreciate the fact that you did say something to him.
BTW, you have total free reign w/ my 2. I know you would treat them the way you treat N and I would expect them to respect your rules and respond to your directive at all times.
Good question. It's a tough one. Like the ladies said - I feel like generally it is OK to reprimand if you are in control of the other child and their parents are not there.
Ditto. Ditto. Ditto. I hope my friends would step in during those situations.
You did the right thing!
Carpooling...so great, yet so many reasons to rip your hair out. Soooo worth it as I only have to pick up every other week lol.
I often have to tell ds and my rider to: chill out, talk nicely to each other or to keep their hands to themselves. I EXPECT her mom to do the same when the occasion arises.
When the silliness gets out of hand, I engage them in a conversation about what happened at school, what they did on the playground, what Fr. talked about in mass, what's going on over the weekend, how rider's dance practice went, etc.
Megan
Ditto everyone else. I would have done the exact same thing.
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