It's Been A While
And I have not had a whole lot to say. It seems the longer I am away, the longer I can stay away and the less I have to share.
Anyway, I wonder if any of you are still checking in with me.
I have sort of stopped checking on some of my friends and I am sorry. Nat, I am going to go see what is up in your life. And I know I will be encouraged by your running and your attitude.
There are all sorts of things swirling around my head right now. But mostly, it's this:
Close friends are divorcing
Ran into one of my friends' ex-wife last week
Haven't seen her in over two years
Dammit, but she looks awesome
She is running Chicago Marathon in 9 days
Ever wonder how much more me-time you would have if you were divorced?
I do not think it would be worth it
My other friend's soon to be ex is giving her a scant $40/wk
They have two boys
Nan has to live with her parents now
$40 will not even buy gas
How do you tell your kids?
Which is better:
(a) remain married and your kids never see their dad
(b) divorce and your kids actually have a dad interact with them and take them places and has to finally take responsibility for them while under his care
There are compelling reasons either way - even outside the relationship
Imagine how hard it is inside the relationship
What is the straw that breaks someone's back?
What is the defining moment that makes you throw caution aside and verbalize those thoughts to your spouse?
No, I am not talking about me.
But it does make you review your own situation and wonder if all is as it appears.
See my stream of consciousness thoughts? Yeah. It's been whirling around there for some time.
Anyway, I wonder if any of you are still checking in with me.
I have sort of stopped checking on some of my friends and I am sorry. Nat, I am going to go see what is up in your life. And I know I will be encouraged by your running and your attitude.
There are all sorts of things swirling around my head right now. But mostly, it's this:
Close friends are divorcing
Ran into one of my friends' ex-wife last week
Haven't seen her in over two years
Dammit, but she looks awesome
She is running Chicago Marathon in 9 days
Ever wonder how much more me-time you would have if you were divorced?
I do not think it would be worth it
My other friend's soon to be ex is giving her a scant $40/wk
They have two boys
Nan has to live with her parents now
$40 will not even buy gas
How do you tell your kids?
Which is better:
(a) remain married and your kids never see their dad
(b) divorce and your kids actually have a dad interact with them and take them places and has to finally take responsibility for them while under his care
There are compelling reasons either way - even outside the relationship
Imagine how hard it is inside the relationship
What is the straw that breaks someone's back?
What is the defining moment that makes you throw caution aside and verbalize those thoughts to your spouse?
No, I am not talking about me.
But it does make you review your own situation and wonder if all is as it appears.
See my stream of consciousness thoughts? Yeah. It's been whirling around there for some time.
9 Comments:
so happy to see a post, I have noticed your 'absence'.
interesting topic.....I have thought it sometimes myself. It does make you wonder. Although they say the grass isn't always greener, but sometimes it really does look like it.
C
I was thinking about you. Are you still marathon training? I have a reader people stay on for weeks and weeks and week.
(That being said I haven't updated in a while this week.)
I look at my divorce friends, one has a split custody agreement. (It's a 50/50 split.) It is an interesting mix of being a parent full-on and being single. She is now paying her Ex support after he quit his high-paying job to go back to school. Sigh.
She seems happy. She has lots of friends and lots of time to herself. Some days I'm envious. But really I think I'm too much of a home body to be divorced.
That's a lot to have pressing on you even if it's not your own situation--I understand.
Yes, I do check on you.
I've been divorced, but luckily, no children were involved. I don't believe in staying married for the sake of the children. In the long run, you aren't doing them any favors. The kids aren't stupid and can tell their parents are in a loveless marriage.
God forbid, if I ever divorced again, I don't think I'd want another man. I would not want to go back to that scary dating scene ever, ever again!
I noticed you were gone...
Since I do most of the kid rearing and the household chores, when I do think about divorce, I wonder how much different it would be than my current situation. Yes, dh and I could use some counseling, can you tell?!
I've been wondering about you!
Thinking of a race for spring...
I check too!
I have a lot of thoughts on the divorce thing.... Go figure! Right.
The one thing I will say is that I did about 90% of the child rearing while married but when I actually got divorced, wow, what an eye opener to what all he really did do that I now had to do. Had I known, I wouldn't have complained so much.
And, yeah that is one of the nicest things I will say about him... :)
We have friends who just went through a divorce too. It's hard, and I can't help but look inward.
We share so much, it would be harder to do it alone. I do think it's a "grass is always greener" situation tho.
My parents divorced after 22 years. My mom said ~5 years later that if she knew she would still be alone she would have never left-sad huh? Oh, and that after giving so much to the family during that time it was "time for her." So everyone, please don't stay together for the kids-they'll only resent your resentment.
I've missed you!
We went through it with friends last year and although I don't particularly like him our kids have been together since infancy and we had a standing Friday night dinner date with the whole crew.
He and DH now occasionally do Dad things with him. I know for DH he really felt alone after his divorce, she made the friends and thus she got to keep them :)
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