The Betrayal of the Scale
For years, I did not own a scale. I would disdainfully remark that I did not believe in scales, only how my clothes fit and as long as they fit well, I need not worry.
Rewind to last summer. I was pumping for Miss J, had successfully kept my weight at 10 lb below pre-pregnancy weight and I was thinking about the future. I wanted to ensure that I kept that weight off once I stopped pumping. So, I bought a scale. I started weighing every day. Every day. Religiously. Fanatically.
I stopped pumping in October. So far, so good. The weight has remained off as I have eaten a lot less than I did while pumping.
Until last week. Last week, the scale showed an increase of anywhere from 0.5-1 lb / day. Now, I know that is not possible unless (1) I am pregnant (nope) or (2) I am retaining water. Then I came down with the flu at the beginning of the week. Suddenly, on Wednesday, I am back down. Today, I am up 4 pounds.
Then it hits me. My little monthly friend is due to visit. I clutch that excuse and assimilate it in my head and suddenly, I'm okay again.
Now how is it that I functioned perfectly well for nearly 15 years without a scale and now, after having one for six months, I cannot keep myself off of it? Why am I - at nearly 39 years old - still looking for affirmation from it? What happened? Is it being 10 lb lighter and feeling better about myself than ever before? Is it my way of controlling the only thing in my life I feel like I have supreme control over?
What is the data of eating disorders in women my age versus teenagers? What is the data about women who were borderline anorexic 20+ years ago? Anyone know? Why, 25 years later, do I still look for my self esteem as a three digit number?
Rewind to last summer. I was pumping for Miss J, had successfully kept my weight at 10 lb below pre-pregnancy weight and I was thinking about the future. I wanted to ensure that I kept that weight off once I stopped pumping. So, I bought a scale. I started weighing every day. Every day. Religiously. Fanatically.
I stopped pumping in October. So far, so good. The weight has remained off as I have eaten a lot less than I did while pumping.
Until last week. Last week, the scale showed an increase of anywhere from 0.5-1 lb / day. Now, I know that is not possible unless (1) I am pregnant (nope) or (2) I am retaining water. Then I came down with the flu at the beginning of the week. Suddenly, on Wednesday, I am back down. Today, I am up 4 pounds.
Then it hits me. My little monthly friend is due to visit. I clutch that excuse and assimilate it in my head and suddenly, I'm okay again.
Now how is it that I functioned perfectly well for nearly 15 years without a scale and now, after having one for six months, I cannot keep myself off of it? Why am I - at nearly 39 years old - still looking for affirmation from it? What happened? Is it being 10 lb lighter and feeling better about myself than ever before? Is it my way of controlling the only thing in my life I feel like I have supreme control over?
What is the data of eating disorders in women my age versus teenagers? What is the data about women who were borderline anorexic 20+ years ago? Anyone know? Why, 25 years later, do I still look for my self esteem as a three digit number?
5 Comments:
I hear you. I have to make an effort not to get on it every day. Up down all around...
(As an aside: I want to know why since I had The Boy, I retain 5 lbs in water weight -- and you can actually see it. It wasn't like that before.)
I can relate - I have no answers, but I can relate. Never had a scale until about 3 years ago when youngest son needed one to keep track of weight for football. Who climbs on it every night? Ugh!
FWIW, I am 43 and what I noticed is that I do fluctuate within a 5 pound range during the month.
I sooo hear you on this one!
Don't trust your scales. I learn the hard way when I joined WW and stood on proper calibrated ones once a week and found my scales were anything between 1lb and 5lb out - sometimes in my favour and often NOT!
Maybe try to discipline yourself to weigh at the same time on the same day each week with the scales in the same place - it might be more of reliable reading then.
I agree with Karen... I only weigh myself at the same time of day (morning) once a day... and usually more like once a week if that.
But as you know, I have struggled with my weight my whole life and my problem is more tat I am willing to look the other way when the scale doesn't say what I want it to.
I've struggled as well. Right now I am in serious triathlon training and seriously frustrated with not losing any weight although I can see the changes. I've made myself back away from the scale, it is making me nuts!
IMHO, I would think once you've had weight issues, either too much or too little you are probably prone to them popping back up, especially with other major life changes (like a baby).
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