Why I Now Have Heartburn

So. I just returned from having lunch with Cherie, a friend / colleague of mine from my time in the energy industry, and Darrell, a former boss and friend from the same. We had all worked together for the same company and when the energy trading companies hit the wall and lost Wall Street approval courtesy of Enron, et al, 5-6 years ago, I took the severance package and started working for / with my husband in a family owned general contracting business.

Since that time, the family biz has done very well and is growing, prospering. Also since that time, oil has hit $70/barrel, natural gas is in excess of $6/mmbtu (that would be million British thermal unit) and the boom has hit energy once more. I am talking experience engineers making $125k+/year, over 10% bonus potential, stock options, signing bonuses. Things have changed dramatically in the past 5 years.

I have been telling W for about a year that he needs someone in my position who can take the company to the next level. Let's be honest. I am not an accountant, I am not a finance person. I am an engineer with an MBA and 11 years in energy. I grew up in energy. I love it. I loved commercial and business development. I did not grow up in construction and accounting. I can appreciate it, but I am not one who is going to say that I absolutely love it.

I am tired of fighting the surety bond company every single week. I am tired of running afraid of a government inspection from the general inspector or the SBA. Not that we have anything to hide, but it nevertheless scares me. The IRS audit, which is still unresolved, was enough of that for me. And I know it is going to persist as the company continues to grow.

I am also tired of fighting with W. I am tired of talking about work ad nauseum at home and not being able to escape it. I am tired of having to problem solve at home or have a problem solved for me when all I wanted from him is a little quiet support and a listening ear.

I miss having my own sense of self - not as a mom, not as a wife or as someone's daughter in law, not as being in my position simply because of said status.

There are currently positions open in areas I worked and positions I had once had. The salary range is better than I currently make. I would be working with these two people mentioned above, folks I highly regard and who respect me in return. They brought it up. I did not.

So, I am going to put out the feelers. I am going to sniff around and see what exactly is open, what the culture is like now, what the benefits would be, and think long and hard about it. I feel very energized and upbeat and excited. I have to admit that I have not been this excited in some time.

I have been telling people that I firmly believe a person becomes stale in 3 years if the person's position is not changing and evolving. My position here has been changing and evolving, but I think I may have become stale. I think I may need a change.

So for the next few days, while W is in Nashville, I am going to come up with a list of pros and cons and think very seriously about this possibility. Part of me is afraid of rejection. What if nobody wants me back other than my two friends? What if I make a change and hate it? It's scary. And exciting.