Love and Logic
Since having Jocelyn, I have become increasingly frustrated with Nathan and his behavior, lack of listening and following directions and overall rambunctious actions. When I took the kids to visit my parents a few weeks ago, I was ashamed of N's behavior at times. There is no way my mom would have let my brother or me get away with some of the things he was doing. We would have received "the look" and that would be the end of that behavior.
Somehow, I have not developed the look. I know I have it, but it does not appear to work on N. I have come up with ways to positively reinforce behaviors I want him to use. I have also used negative reinforcements - taking away privileges, etc.
Everything lately is poo poo, pee pee, farting noises, burping noises, booty, bottom, butt, etc. I have told him that it will start costing him $0.25 each time he does this after the third time I have told him to stop. So he has three strikes and then he must start paying. And I have collected on this. It has worked. But is it the best way to handle it? I doubt it.
I was talking to the mother of one of N's classmates and close friends this past weekend. We are both at the end of the rope with the boys' behavior. It is so frustrating. And with Nathan, I have noticed that if Jocelyn is asleep or somewhere else, he behaves a lot better. So, he is obviously wanting attention of any kind and feels like he is competing with her. I understand that and am trying to spend more one on one time with him to lessen the feeling of competition. But some of the conversations we have had lately made me realize I really need to do more of this.
Last night, we went for a 30 minute walk around the block and Nathan says, "how about we drop baby in a hole?" Why? What on earth? We discussed why this is not a good idea and how it would hurt baby. I know he was joking, but it still was mildly disturbing to me.
One of the items the other mom mentioned was a parenting class offered by N's school. You better believe I looked it up yesterday and signed up for it. Apparently, it is what the teachers and the school advocates and is actually part of the contract that we as parents signed with the school upon enrollment. I start taking directly after vacation. It looks good.
http://www.loveandlogic.com/teach.html
Somehow, I have not developed the look. I know I have it, but it does not appear to work on N. I have come up with ways to positively reinforce behaviors I want him to use. I have also used negative reinforcements - taking away privileges, etc.
Everything lately is poo poo, pee pee, farting noises, burping noises, booty, bottom, butt, etc. I have told him that it will start costing him $0.25 each time he does this after the third time I have told him to stop. So he has three strikes and then he must start paying. And I have collected on this. It has worked. But is it the best way to handle it? I doubt it.
I was talking to the mother of one of N's classmates and close friends this past weekend. We are both at the end of the rope with the boys' behavior. It is so frustrating. And with Nathan, I have noticed that if Jocelyn is asleep or somewhere else, he behaves a lot better. So, he is obviously wanting attention of any kind and feels like he is competing with her. I understand that and am trying to spend more one on one time with him to lessen the feeling of competition. But some of the conversations we have had lately made me realize I really need to do more of this.
Last night, we went for a 30 minute walk around the block and Nathan says, "how about we drop baby in a hole?" Why? What on earth? We discussed why this is not a good idea and how it would hurt baby. I know he was joking, but it still was mildly disturbing to me.
One of the items the other mom mentioned was a parenting class offered by N's school. You better believe I looked it up yesterday and signed up for it. Apparently, it is what the teachers and the school advocates and is actually part of the contract that we as parents signed with the school upon enrollment. I start taking directly after vacation. It looks good.
http://www.loveandlogic.com/teach.html
7 Comments:
We are going through the same thing, however in E's case I think it's the age more than the sibling.
I've seen those classes advertised but have never taken one. Let me know how it goes!
Kman doesn't have any siblings, but he seems to have little spurts of acting up. I don't know if he's not getting enough rest, is growing or we've been lax in discipline, but they seem to sneak up on us. Taking away priviledges has been our tactic and it does work. Today - no bike riding because he threw his lunch box at me. We talked about it and he apologized, but we're still not riding bikes tonight.
I have several of their books. Very good. And many of the other parenting books I have are similar. Good luck!!! Let us know how it goes!
While i don't want to discount the sibling issue, I do think it's the age. MPP is an only and has acted this way too. A parenting class cannot hurt, and I'm anxious to hear your thoughts on it.
fwiw, I have told MPP that potty words can only be said in the bathroom. That way he can still say them, but has to do them in the privacy of the bathroom and not around others. It has worked so far...
HUGS
christina
you don't need that class, tree. it's all common sense, which you have plenty of.
it's a sibling thing. my sister is having the same issues with her 6-year-old daughter (baby sis is 3 mos). including being accused of "never playing with me anymore" and "you love the baby more than me." my niece has an obvious flair for the melodramatic.
and the toilet talk is an age thing. bob did the same thing. i ignored it and he stopped. if making him pay works, then it's the "best way." there is no one best way, it varies from kid to kid.
Ditto what the others have said. We are having similar issues although the princess' behavior is far worse than N's, I'm sure. And like Mitzi's sister's kids, we also get the "you don't love me/spend time with me/etc. anymore" complaints, although we've bent over backwards to make sure she still gets plenty of attention. The potty talk also started about a month ago, and we, too, emphasize that potty words belong in the bathroom.
Be sure to let us know how the parenting class goes!
Kim
I second Mitzi Green comment. You have common sense. Your level headed. Listen to your mom instincts!
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