Today is a First
I said something today that I never ever thought I would say. I was talking to my sister in law about carving out the services that my group performs and possibly forming a new company and it would charge the other companies it manages for financial administration, etc. She mentioned that it could be owned by me and would be certified as woman-owned.
I told her no way. I have zippo interest in that. Then I went on to say these words:
"Honestly, I would not mind staying home with the kids right now."
Yep.
I would not mind being home with the munchkins. Nathan would be at school from 9 a.m. until 2:45 p.m. I would have Jocelyn with me. I could see myself being very content to do this.
Strike me down.
I never ever thought these words would pass my lips. I was a dedicated career woman. I was going to become a vice president of a mid-major energy company by the time I was 35. I was going to punch through any perceived glass ceiling and be a wild success. Then I was laid off. Or, as I like to put it, I took the package offered to me knowing that I would turn around and work with my husband. The package was good and the direction the company was headed looked rocky. I had been bored silly for far too long and was ready to contribute.
While I have contributed to my husband's company and feel like it is on the path to doing great things, I wonder if I really want to be part of it any longer. I don't wonder this all the time, just from time to time it creeps into my thoughts. I am not cut out for what I am doing, I do not believe. I know there are people out there who would be better than me. Maybe the company would be better if I ducked out. Who knows? Is it likely to happen? Doubtful.
But, more and more, I think of spending a greater part of my day with my kids. I miss them. It would nice to not feel so pressured about getting out the door by X time looking my best every single day.
I think it almost more important to be home for the kids once they reach that uncertain and chaotic time of being a young teenage. I do not want Nathan to be alone in the house for 2-3 hours after school. I know what kind of mischief could arise. And he is the type of kid to explore any possibility.
I have had these thoughts, but I have never ever said them out loud to my in-laws. And I can guarantee that if I told my SIL, my MIL knows by now. Saying something to one is a direct line to saying it to the other. I can now envision MIL mentioning it to Warren. Not anytime soon, but she will save it for a time when she can casually drop it into conversation with him, when he seems a bit more receptive than normal.
I am dreaming. I know it will never happen. I am not even sure that if I thought it out, it would be the choice I would make. Nevertheless, it seems more like a possibity, regardless of how probable, than ever before.
I told her no way. I have zippo interest in that. Then I went on to say these words:
"Honestly, I would not mind staying home with the kids right now."
Yep.
I would not mind being home with the munchkins. Nathan would be at school from 9 a.m. until 2:45 p.m. I would have Jocelyn with me. I could see myself being very content to do this.
Strike me down.
I never ever thought these words would pass my lips. I was a dedicated career woman. I was going to become a vice president of a mid-major energy company by the time I was 35. I was going to punch through any perceived glass ceiling and be a wild success. Then I was laid off. Or, as I like to put it, I took the package offered to me knowing that I would turn around and work with my husband. The package was good and the direction the company was headed looked rocky. I had been bored silly for far too long and was ready to contribute.
While I have contributed to my husband's company and feel like it is on the path to doing great things, I wonder if I really want to be part of it any longer. I don't wonder this all the time, just from time to time it creeps into my thoughts. I am not cut out for what I am doing, I do not believe. I know there are people out there who would be better than me. Maybe the company would be better if I ducked out. Who knows? Is it likely to happen? Doubtful.
But, more and more, I think of spending a greater part of my day with my kids. I miss them. It would nice to not feel so pressured about getting out the door by X time looking my best every single day.
I think it almost more important to be home for the kids once they reach that uncertain and chaotic time of being a young teenage. I do not want Nathan to be alone in the house for 2-3 hours after school. I know what kind of mischief could arise. And he is the type of kid to explore any possibility.
I have had these thoughts, but I have never ever said them out loud to my in-laws. And I can guarantee that if I told my SIL, my MIL knows by now. Saying something to one is a direct line to saying it to the other. I can now envision MIL mentioning it to Warren. Not anytime soon, but she will save it for a time when she can casually drop it into conversation with him, when he seems a bit more receptive than normal.
I am dreaming. I know it will never happen. I am not even sure that if I thought it out, it would be the choice I would make. Nevertheless, it seems more like a possibity, regardless of how probable, than ever before.
6 Comments:
I am anxious to hear how long it takes before he brings it up to you..... Having said those words myself for the first time last year, I know how you feel. And I have enjoyed it!
Christina
momsy said . . .
I totally understand your motherly instinct & so happy that you have it. Having stayed home full-time, I tend to think that a combo of home/work would be good. Being the "Mom" I believe that you have a great deal to contribute as does your MIL & FIL & this has been expressed to us - hopefully to you too. We women have so many jobs to do in LIFE & you have definately arisen to the calling in many, many ways! M
I'm jealous of your ability to have a choice. There are times when I feel completely overwhelmed at the financial obligation of paying for me, dh, the kids, my secretary, and my associate. With my husband's former profession - newspaper photographer - there is no way in hell that I could possibly stay home.
On the other hand, for the most part I'm thrilled that my husband can stay home with the kids. I think if I worked an 8-5 schedule that it would be easier to have a spouse with an outside the home occupation, but the fact is that I often work 12-16 hour days, I travel, I work some weekends, and I sometimes work all nighters. Having dh home makes all of this much easier. On the other hand, I know that he struggles with the lack of adult conversation and interaction. He finds some comfort in endless university lectures that are available by iPod.
I think my sister/secretary has the best of both worlds. She usually works 10 am to 2 pm - so she sees the kids off in the morning and picks them up from school. She still gets adult time and is contributing to the family income, but she also has tons of time with her kids.
It can't be an easy decision. I hope it goes well for you. Any guess on how W would feel about it?
I know I think about it sometimes and deep in the recesses of my mind I know that being home full-time probably isn't the right thing for me. There is some middle ground where I feel like I could do everything a little better--if I worked part-time I have the fantasy that I would be totally present while I was there and do a great job. And if I were at home more I could be totally present with the kids more of the time because I would have time to get all the other stuff done.
You are a great Mom and are juggling so many balls so well.
I never thougth I'd stay home. But then the opportunity presented itself. And it worked.
It's ok to want to be home. It's ok to not want to be home.
The hard part is finding the right balance/decision for you and your family.
sweetie, I am feeling exactly the same way. exactly.
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