Worlds Collide

A few weeks ago, Hubby, Son and I flew through DIA to return to Tulsa from our vacation. I grew up in Denver and feel quite at home there. While working in SW Colorado and NW New Mexico, Stapleton was shut down and DIA was opened. I flew through there quite often. I feel comfortable and at home there. So it was not much of a surprise when I saw two people I knew.

The first person I saw was a former boss, Tom. He was not a great boss, but he was okay and he is one of the nicest people ever. When I worked for him, a former boyfriend - the one right before Hubby, in fact - also worked for him. We were colleagues. Tom is a naive person, but must have sensed something because he did ask ex-boyfriend if we had every dated or were currently dating. ExBF said no. Bald faced lie. Our relationship was one big denial of our attraction to each other. We never went to a restaurant that was likely to have another person there from work. We frequented the movie theater in BFE. We rented a lot of movies and had a lot of fantastic sex. I was head over heels for him - I think because of the sex. We dated for roughly a year. We were compatible in many ways - both driven, both in graduate school, neither wanted children, same age, athletic. Surprisingly, it ended well.

Not long after it ended, I started dating Hubby. He and ExBF have many similar characteristics. They are both competitive, driven, successful, intelligent, hardworking. My attraction to highly intelligent, highly ambitious men has a fairly strong track record. Some day I will write about my college boyfriend to exemplify that. However, this is about ExBF. Shortly after we started dating, future Hubby and I had some off time and I hooked up with ExBF for dinner. That's all. Occasionally, we would have a drink after work together. Once, he invited me back to his place. One of the hardest things I ever did was say no. At that point, ExBF told me I was the one who got away. Nice to hear. But too late. By this time, I had declared my love for Hubby and he for me, but we were still trying work out the kinks of what that love meant to each of us.

When ExBF's dad suddenly died of a heart attack, I did not hesitate to call him and let him know I thought of him and how sorry I was. I know it changed him in subtle ways to have lost his father so young.

As time went on, I married and had a child. My path once again crossed that of ExBF in the work environment. This time, he worked for me. Crazy world, isn't it? It was for a brief time right before we each took a severance package and went on with our lives. By that time, he was engaged to be married and was moving to Denver. Since both left our former company, we have swapped the occasional email, but it has been at least 1.5 yr since I heard from him.

When Tom, our former joint boss, emailed me with a greeting and comment that it was nice to see me in Denver, he added a note. He is in regular correspondence with ExBF, who is still living in Denver. He says hi to me and Tom let me know that he is a new father. What a shock receiving that news was. I did not feel bitter or sad or wonder about what might have been. I was truly happy for him and glad that he and I both had reversed our positions on not having children.

I have been thinking about him a lot the last two weeks and wondering about him and his new family. It's with a wistful smile on my face that I write this post. I would like to know the man he has become because I bet he is a great dad. Every bit as good as my husband has proven to be. It confirms that I knew he was a good egg, just not the egg for me. Neither was I the egg for him.

Several years ago, I read a quote from a woman thanking all the previous women who influenced her boyfriend - his mom, his sister(s), women friends and ex-girlfriends - because they helped mold the person he had become and she is enjoying the fruits of their efforts. I would like to think that in some way, I helped to mold ExBF.