Neither my husband nor I are religious. I was raised Catholic in Colorado and he was raised Southern Baptist then evangelical Christian in Oklahoma. I stopped attending mass right after I went through confirmation, which is about 13 years old, I think. He stopped attending church when he went to college in Boston. I never had faith. He began to lose his faith after losing his virginity at 13 years old at church camp to two female counselors three years older. His faith further eroded when his college girlfriend was pregnant three times and had an abortion each time. He could not understand why such a thing would happen if a benevolent and loving God existed. Today, he is vehemently anti-church, anti-organized religion.

My father in law does not attend church. I am not sure of his reasons, but respect that he does not go, unless cajoled into doing so by my mother in law. My mother in law and my sister in law and her family are extremely religious and attend church twice on Sundays, once on Wednesday evenings, women's bible group on Tuesday mornings. My mother in law helped start this charismatic church. The woman minister is her best friend. To say she is has faith is to make an understatement.

My mother in law is a very good person. She would do anything for you. She works tirelessly for her church and the community it supports. She is a superb grandmother to my son and my sister in law's children. She does not understand how my husband and I feel about religion. She simply cannot come to grips with the fact that we are good people, yet we do not attend church and do not have faith and do not even believe in God. There is a dichotomy and she cannot wrap her mind around it.

It normally is something we accpet - all of us - and do not discuss in great detail. Then the calendar rolls forward and it is suddenly a religious holiday. That is when the tension begins. Husband and I dread this because we know we are going to be posed with a question that if my in-laws keep my son overnight on Saturday night, mother in law will want to take him to church with her Sunday morning. Husband and I are against this.

Son is 4.5 years old. He is starting to ask questions and we are answering those questions honestly and fairly. I want him to be raised in an environment where religious choice is that - a choice. One can choose to believe or not to believe. And if one chooses to believe, then it can be anything that he wants, not something that he has been indoctrinated in since before he could talk. This is our choice to make for him as his parents. It is not the choice his grandmother makes for him.

We have been posed with the decision of to let him spend the night and go to church or to explain to his grandmother - again - how we feel and why we do not want him going to church and risk a major family argument right before a holiday or to keep him home. It is likely we will keep him home.